it's fallen and i can't get out

I left work and drove to my house to eat the bagel that I didn't have a chance to eat at the office before going to pick up Dylan at camp. Leaving the house, I noticed that the clouds were particularly low in the sky. That worried me, after my experiences in Texas and Tennessee, but there wasn't much wind so I shrugged it off. Dylan's camp is only a half mile from our house but, since it looked like rain, I was driving. Because of the rain, camp had been moved to the high school, which is adjacent to the park where camp is held. With the rain imminent I parked right up close to the building and as I opened my door, swoosh -- lots of water poured down from the sky. I ran inside the school building and it was so dark I thought perhaps they had closed up early -- but no, their power had just gone out. I called Steven and collected both kiddos, since I was there and it was after 4 p.m., grabbed their gear and headed back out to the car.

I headed for Cottage St. by way of Williston Ave. -- no -- tree down, with power lines streaming around it, blocking the road. Turn around, head down Lake St.? no. Another tree blocking that road. I head up Bryan Ave. nope. There's a tree across that road too. Feeling confused, I pull over and read my trusty map. Kiss map. Head back down into park because the park is bordered by ball fields and ball fields have no trees to fall. This works, until I get to to Garfield Ave., which has tree across it too, but there's Ward Ave., which was our ticket out of there -- except that Ward is flooded and there are people standing in the street up to their knees in water. But I don't know how else to get out of that neighborhood. So we sit and I contemplate and I watch a minivan drive through it and I think, well, ok I'm game. I nervously get the car through the flooded area, feeling very lucky and I'm heading up Ward -- no, I'm not because there's a man with a walkie-talkie flagging me down and pointing at the -- oh yes -- tree down across Ward farther up ahead. At this point I yelled out an expletive and started to feel panicky. For me, feeling trapped has the unfortunate effect of causing panic attacks and I was definitely feeling trapped. I did some deep breathing, turned the car around to face the flooded area again (which produced another expletive from me), called Steven to let him know that I was still stuck in that same neighborhood, the kids were chattering in the backseat about my cussing and I drove into the flood zone. Made it through the knee-deep water (I thought the car was going to stall, certainly sounded like it, but it managed not to), but then the brakes didn't work for a few minutes because they were soaked through. At this point I considered parking the car and having us all walk home because home was tantalizingly close, but given the rain-swollen streets and the downed trees and power lines... I decided to stick with getting us home in the car. Started on our way again and headed back toward the camp and took the only road I had not yet tried (Taft) and *yay* we made it out to Park St. "Now," I'm saying to the kids, "we're home free". Oh no we're not. There are police cars and flashing lights on Park St. across the street from the Williston-Northampton school and the road is blocked. Turn around again, take another right off of Park St. Make it out to route 10. I'm certain we're on our way. We drive back into town, turn onto Union St., then turn onto Liberty (one street from my street) and -- gah! -- another tree across the road. Liberty St. is blocked so we turn around, back out to Union St., head down to Cottage St. We see that the tree and power lines are still blocking Williston Rd. as we pass by. We turn down Adams -- which is blocked by fire trucks, which I later heard had something to do with a lightning strike. Finally we drive over to Franklin and make it back to Everett and I was shaking pulling into my driveway, I was so glad to be home.

Two nights ago I had a dream about driving Daniel's VW bus and having an accident due to a downed tree covered in snow -- in the dream I got out of the bus and wound up flailing around in the tree branches trying to get out. Having had that dream made the situation more unnerving for me today because I kept feeling like I was in the dream -- like deja vu. Was not helping the panicky thing.

Since I got home I've been feeling out of it all night, ridiculously felt almost like crying though I didn't, now I just feel drained and want to sleep but I can't sleep so I thought maybe writing it down would get me settled so I can relax. It's weird because there was a time in my life when I would have thought of the whole experience as "fun" and an adventure. I guess I'm old now because it didn't feel that way today. I remember when hurricane Gloria went through Boston and I was nineteen and high and driving around with my housemate, Rob, and just being impressed by the wind and rain and tree limbs blowing around. Yep, I've become old and cautious. And, apparently, anxiety-prone. phew.

Dylan has a field trip tomorrow and it's getting late. will sip chamomile tea. will knead pillow. will zzzzz....

editted to add: http://www.masslive.com/news/index.ssf/2008/08/region_battered_again_by_thund.html?category=Chicopee+category=Easthampton+category=Holyoke+category=Northampton+category=Southampton+category=Springfield+category=Weather